Honoring the 42 Day Postpartum Nest

What is the “Nest”?

It’s the 42 day “laying in” period immediately following birth where the new mother does nothing but love her baby and herself in a beautiful and comfortable space. She receives food from others and basks in the sacred space that naturally follows a birth while others tend to her needs as well as the needs of her household.

Traditionally and historically, this practice seems to have always been a major part of the birth experience, but for some reason, we don’t practice it anymore in our culture.

We all agree that the postpartum time is HARD for EVERYONE. We all agree that the new mom needs endless amounts of support – emotionally and physically. It’s also not hard to believe that we are experiencing a postpartum depression epidemic. And yet, this nesting period still fails to receive the type of attention it deserves. It’s hardly spoken of at all.

I’d heard and read about it over the years but it always seemed like an unrealistic antiquated practice, and also probably because I hadn’t been exposed to anyone ever actually practicing it, I wrote it off.

Yet, it must have intrigued me - because after giving birth 6 times myself as well as my work with birthing mothers over the years, and being familiar with the work of Birthkeepers Sarah Buckley and Robin Lim who had written about it, I began to seriously consider the possibility of creating a 42 day nesting time for myself and my baby when I discovered I was pregnant with my 7th child.

A few months into my pregnancy, I made the final decision to go for it and began to prepare for what would be my first ever Nest experience.

To this day, and even from the very first to the last of the 42 days, it’s one of the things that I am most grateful for in my life.

It changed me and my perception of what birth and the beginning of a new life is. While living it, I realized how important this time was, like I had made a great discovery - and began taking notes about it, in real time from my Nest.

Once the Nest time was over, I began researching as much as I could about this ancient practice. I was literally in awe over what I had just experienced and felt compelled to share it as best as I could.

I learned of current (and not so current) data on how an infant’s brain and emotional intelligence is formed from the beginning of its life. And the importance of the baby’s environment.

I learned that during the prenatal period, the birth experience and the first few months of life, there is extreme “plasticity” of the brain.

The neural connections are just beginning to fire at a phenomenal rate – a constant explosion of brain activity never matched again in life (these trillions of connections exceed those that you and I adults have, and will subside connecting at around 3 years old – after that, the existing connections are either strengthened or pruned away).

These connections, that occur in both the brain and the ENS (Enteric Nervous System - a component of the “Gut Brain Axis”) form the beginning of how this baby will think and feel about life, the world, and itself. During this critically important developmental period, there are accessible developmental windows that will never be open again after they close.

For example, if a baby is born with congenital cataracts, successful surgery allowing the baby to see clearly can be done effectively only if performed before 3 months old. After this window closes, the chances of that person being able to see following the same surgery, decrease significantly (surgeons will not even perform the procedure after 3 months).

This made me wonder what other things in the brain are similarly vulnerable and then cemented at such early ages ( I literally saw an image of concrete with a hand print in it - only possible to have made the imprint while the cement was still wet for the brief period of time after it was poured).

While the cataracts issue is easily measurable, I can’t help but think about things that are not – like the ability to love at a certain level, or the capacity for empathy, or the level of trust that person will be capable of in their life. It is likely that many of these foundational building blocks that are essential for a healthy fulfilling life, are formed during this sensitive time. It just makes sense.

The first experiences a person has, shape who that person will be. The epic question of “Nature or Nurture?” has now been answered fairly well through what we know of Epigenetics.

Basically, it’s a combination of both. Within the developmental framework, we know that these first experiences and environment have a significant impact on shaping a person’s system. Scientifically speaking anyway (for more great information on “Primal Health”, visit Dr. Michel Odent’s website WombEcology where he explores the lifelong impact of early fetal life experience).

I began to believe that there was a reason most cultures throughout time and across geography recognized the importance of the Nest, where an honoring of a 42 day “laying in” time seems to have been an expected practice. Women gave birth in private throughout the ages, either alone or with other women. Yet the Nest time was an extended celebration - more public with a diverse community involvement.

The women within bands, tribes or villages would tend to and care for the new mother by feeding her good healing foods, massaging her daily, taking care of her household needs and sometimes, conducting public ceremonies that introduce “motherbaby” back into the group for the first time after this Nest time is over.

In many cultures these practices still happen. Some countries (with a majority of women leadership) have even instituted governmental systems where a fully supported postpartum care time both physically and financially is standard. Within the systems that this policy is in place for, sometimes for up to 3 years time, it’s not surprising that they have an overall superiority globally within their infrastructure and economic standing as well as higher quality education, social programs and lower mortality rates. Rainne Eisler writes about this in “The Real Wealth of Nations” – where she discusses the many benefits of instituting a system of “Caring Economics”.

We know now, that the experiences a person has at the beginning of their life are critical in the development of that person and impacts how they will be for life. And on a mass scale, we need to realize that these experiences have a significant collective impact on a society. It’s important. To everyone. For the future…

What I found for myself as a mother during my nesting time, was an endless loving space where I was able to really process the previous 9 months. I was able to integrate the whole of the experience of the pregnancy, of labor and birth, of my changing body and my changing life.

At the end of the 42 days, I felt very prepared for the massive responsibility of being Zara’s mother – and I felt ready to get into life again.

Even after going back to regular life, I kept my Nest intact for as long as I could, loving that I had a safe, comfortable space for me and my baby anytime I wanted to go back to it. I’m glad I did because I ended up using it quite a bit over the subsequent weeks - like the time that my milk supply began waning. I went straight back to the Nest space and within a day or two, my milk was abundant.

By honoring the Nest, I also felt for the first time after all of my other births, that I had fully completed the birth process.

I never understood why I had felt so empty and vulnerable during the first few weeks postpartum all the other times I had given birth. But it finally all made sense.

It also makes sense that a happy mother equals a happy baby – and what better way to have a happy mother than to give her a large block of time to do nothing but enjoy her baby while gently adapting into her new mother role. It may actually be the greatest rite of passage in all of life.

It can also be an important and healing answer for so many women following a c-section or a birth that didn’t go according to plan.

Unlike the birth experience itself, a mother has total control over the creation of and the time spent in the Nest. If mothers had the Nest to retreat into, it could be so beneficial in helping them process their experience – not to mention giving them the recovery time they really need. Breastfeeding gets the very best start too and we all know how important that is.

By bringing back the Nest – we give the best to mother and baby.

Mother is honored, respected and revered in a very real practical way. Baby is respectfully welcomed and given the best possible start in its life within a safe, loving Nest that optimally follows a safe, peaceful and empowering pregnancy and birth.

Just because this practice has been lost somewhere through time, that doesn’t mean that we can’t or shouldn’t still respect it as much as we can.

In fact, I’d also like to put a call out to the Birthkeepers who have committed their life’s work to supporting women through their pregnancy and birth – and say that the Nest deserves the same attention.

We’ve had a tendency to separate prenatal care, birth and postpartum as different events and I’d like to offer that we begin to move towards a place of CONTINUITY of care where we treat the whole process as one event. Including a 42 day standard postpartum Nest time.

I can see people blowing this off as impossible in our modern culture. Yet when we begin to see the gravity of the implications that honoring this practice holds - not only the importance of an optimal early life developmental experience which the baby will benefit for the rest of its life but also as a potential way to mitigate postpartum depression. When we look at it through this lens - it becomes IMPORTANT. And when something is important enough, there’s always a way.

Now is a perfect time for all of us to begin creatively and practically instituting the 42 day Nest as a normal, accepted practice.

By honoring the Nest, we are giving our future a strong advantage of security and love, which, compounded may very well be the thing that will shift humanity into a true civilized state where all living things are treated equally and with respect, ushering in the evolution of our species that we have all been waiting for.